Thursday, May 19, 2016

what's your love language?

figuring out the best way to make your relationship flourish

A while ago my sister shared this love language quiz with me, and I was a little intrigued (read: surprised) at my results. By now we all know that love has so many different interpretations, and different aspects of a relationship are more meaningful than others. Some people feel more intimate when they have deep, honest conversations with their partner while others feel more intimate when they're, you know, intimate.

The 5 Love Languages was written by Dr. Gary Chapman, who specializes in marriage and relationships. He's written numerous relationship books, speaks at marriage conferences, and has been married to his wife for more than four decades. He's also developed this quiz to help people identify their own primary love language(s).

I've taken the quiz twice a few months apart and gotten pretty much the same results both times. My highest-scoring category is quality time, but all of my answers put my results within two points except for receiving gifts, which only scored two — you're welcome, Adam ;) I said I was surprised at my results, not because I scored highest in quality time but because my second-highest score was in words of affirmation. In the past, I haven't often thought of myself as a person who needed encouragement or reassurance.

Adam took the quiz too, and I think it was a happy coincidence that his highest-scoring language was also quality time. Which makes sense, because we've always enjoyed being together, even if it's just doing separate things in the same room. And I think we realized just how much that time means to us when Adam was working in New York for three months earlier this year and we didn't get that for so long.

Unlike mine, Adam's scores were very divided between the two highest and the three lowest. His lowest score was words of affirmation, which kind of shocked me! We've always had a very verbal relationship in that we often say we love each other, praise accomplishments and encourage each other. Adam said he wasn't surprised at all and in fact, his answers were almost exactly what he would have expected them to be. When we talked about our results, Adam put it simply: "We just love spending time together."

I think it's such an interesting concept, and it turned into a great conversation about how we both express our feelings. Have any of you taken the love language quiz before? Were you surprised by your results or did they meet your expectations? I'd love to hear...

P.S. how to keep the sparks alive, the choice to have children and how to fight successfully

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